All You Need is Love (and sometimes flowers)

21 Feb By

Last week the world was filled with hearts and candy and flowers and love. But for me there is one more word that would best describe what my world was filled with: stress.

While some people view Valentine’s Day as an overly commercialized way to guilt people into spending money on frivolous gifts and expensive flowers, I have always viewed it as a sweet way to show someone you love them. And why not? What’s so wrong with having one day a year set aside to really say “I Love You” and do something special for the special people in your life? Nothing, in my opinion, and for that simple reason, I’ve always loved Valentine’s Day.

But this year, somewhere along the Valentine’s road, all the wheels fell off my love vehicle.

I think it all started when I decided that it would be fun for my kids to make these really intricate hand-made valentines for all the kids in their classes. After all, their mother’s an artist right? Shouldn’t she be able to help them put together some really special tokens of affection? Well, after the third hour of working on these little rascals, I was really wondering what I had gotten myself into. But that was just the beginning. I spent my Valentine’s Day delivering supplies to the school party, creating little goody bags for my husband and two kids, grocery shopping for a gourmet meal, working on my art and blog, and then after picking the kids up from school, heading home to create a fabulous Family Valentine’s Celebration. Whew! No sweat, right? I can be SuperWoman if I want to! Right? Right? Hello?

Well, as you can probably guess, it didn’t really go as planned. I was tired and stressed, not to mention feeling a little bit sorry for myself, and so when my husband finally got home and walked in with, um, no flowers… let’s just say that it did not go over very well. No flowers? NO FLOWERS? Not even a cheesy box of candy? (never mind that he did have a Valentine’s card for me with a lovely handwritten sentiment and never mind that he is always the most amazing gift giver, so clearly I’m spoiled and never mind that he is the president of a large company who is having some challenges at the moment) What was really important to me in that moment was that he walked into the house with no flowers. It was not good.

I had created all this expectation around the day. I had put too much stress on myself to be perfect and to be the most creative, fabulous mother and wife. Would anyone have cared if I had bought the pre-made valentines? Would my family have cared if we had ordered takeout? No. I had done this. I had created this mad expectation. And I was disappointed that it hadn’t gone as planned.

Needless to say, my husband felt terrible and apologized profusely. He sent me upstairs to have a hot bubble bath alone while he put the kids to bed. I felt much better. And what I realized is that Valentine’s Day is a day about love but it’s not the only day. Every day within a family is about love. It’s about helping each other out, supporting each other. Appreciating that your husband might have a lot of his own stress at work and accepting that he’s not always going to be perfect. And you know what? I don’t have to be perfect either. We are perfectly imperfect. That’s what makes us so perfect for each other.

Okay, so when I got home on Friday afternoon I was pleasantly surprised with this gorgeous bouquet of flowers. And even though I had already realized that I had overreacted and that Valentine’s Day should be about the love you give every day…. this bouquet still made me feel better.

Because, well, in my experience, (and men, don’t forget this) no matter what anyone says, flowers are always a good idea.

Filed Under: Balancing Motherhood and Self, Beautiful Things 10 Comments

Have No Fear

14 Feb By

My son learned how to ride his bike without training wheels last week. It feels like a gigantic milestone because we had been working on it with him for a long while. Basically, we had a hard time convincing him that it would be fun to ride his bike without training wheels. He brought up all these hard to argue points about why training wheels were just fine with him. You would think he was a little old man for how set in his ways he can be. Trying new things is not at the top of his list of fun. Anything he hasn’t done before seems to present him with a lot of “what ifs” and he is not a risk taker by nature.

So as you can imagine, when I saw that shift finally take place, when I saw the determination finally dance across his eyes and the confidence march up his little spine, I was elated. When I heard the words, “You don’t need to help me anymore Mommy, I can do it by myself” there was a pride I couldn’t contain. He had made the connection. He knew he was capable. And not only capable, he was gonna be darn good at it.

Seeing him sail across the asphalt, confidently pedaling and turning  just made my heart sing. The determination in his adorable little freckled smile was overwhelming for me. He was joyful. And that made me joyful.

I started thinking about how we all have a little fear of the unknown. What if I try something new and it doesn’t work out? What if I’m no good at it? Wouldn’t it be safer to stay where I feel comfortable?

I have felt this way so many times in my life and have had to force myself out of my comfort zone. Putting together an art show, starting a blog, reaching out to new friends, those are all things that are hard to imagine doing at first. But I can honestly say, I don’t think I’ve ever regretted putting myself out there. I think part of the joy of being alive is not knowing what waits around the corner. There’s beauty in taking a risk. And as they say, no risk, no reward. Life is meant to be lived.

So as I see my little man cruising happily down the street on his bike, I know this accomplishment has elevated his confidence and helped prepare him for the next time he is faced with something new. Once you learn to ride a bike, you will never forget how. The same holds true for taking risks. Because taking risks is something we can learn to be better at. We can learn to trust ourselves and really rely on the fact that no matter the outcome, we are always capable.

Filed Under: Beautiful Things, Everyday Musings, Finding Inspiration 7 Comments

A Tribe of “She”

7 Feb By

Women are powerful. We are mothers, sisters, daughters, caregivers, nurturers and friends. Our relationships with one another are sacred. The realization of this hit me deeply about 3 months ago.

I realized suddenly that I wasn’t connecting with other women on a regular basis like I really wanted to. I have three best friends that I’ve had since college. They are my soul sisters and will be for life. Unfortunately, I am long distance with all three of them so seeing them and feeling their energy on a regular basis is impossible at the moment. I also have three sisters. We are amazingly close and talk on the phone all the time. But again, none of them live in my zip code so our time spent together is maybe every other month at best. And I have a handful of local women friends but it seemed that when we got together, we usually ended up in “Mommy mode” talking a lot about our kids and school but we were never really going deep together.

I suddenly felt like I really wanted to connect with the women in my community. I wanted a tribe. I wanted power in numbers. A sacred circle. The power of the feminine. I wanted to feel connected with like-minded souls.

So I sent out an email to almost every woman I knew. Even the ones who were long distance. I just described this feeling. This need to connect. To discuss topics that we all face. To dig deeper together.

And the circle was created. We started out with about 9 of us and the plan was to meet every Monday for 5 weeks. But life and commitments sometimes get in the way, so our circle ended up being a sweet little circle of 4 amazing ladies. I created topics: finding our authentic selves, balancing motherhood and self, self care, finding our passions and dreaming big.

Magic began to happen. We learned things about each other we never would have known. We shared painful things and joyful things. We listened patiently as we each described our feelings, our hopes, our fears our desire to live our best life. We bonded. Last night we got together and our topic was “Dreaming Big”. I walked the girls through a fun exercise that I learned last year at the World Domination Summit where you each share a story about a peak moment in your life. A moment where you felt really alive and happy and you were at your best. Through the telling of that story, we each uncovered a word or a phrase that represents what we want to attract more of in our lives. These were our words: Energy, Purpose, Strength and Surrounded by Strong Women. I believe those words are profound.

Last night was supposed to be our official last meeting. But as everyone slowly picked up their bags and began to say goodbye, we realized that we didn’t want it to end. So we are planning to keep it going. Somehow. Some way.

I think our sacred tribe of women has been established. And I’m so grateful. And the best news is that there’s always room for more.

Filed Under: Beautiful Things, Finding Inspiration 12 Comments

Let’s Get Comfortable

31 Jan By

Woooo hooooo! I’m super excited to welcome you to my all new website! I have been wanting to focus a little more on blogging and it just seemed like the right time to re-design my whole shebang. I worked with Michele Bergh of Be Inspired Design and I’m so grateful for her help.

I wanted a site that was more comfortable, like an old easy chair you can come to and hang out in. And I wanted it to be more me, more representative of who I am (and those ding-dang zigzags in the background are just my favorite part!). So go ahead and kick your feet up and hang out a while. I’d like for you to click around. Check out the new galleries of paintings, sign up for my newsletter and then come back as often as you like. This site is for you as well as me! I so appreciate the support I’ve received so far.

Life As I know It

Last week I wrote about a wonderful party I had been to. What I didn’t write about was a funny thing that happened at that party. I had a conversation that night that has just stuck with me. I saw an old college friend who I hadn’t seen in a long time. After catching up and chatting a while, she said “I read your blog and I just have one question for you: How are you so [bleeping] happy?”

I suppose it’s a valid question because I don’t really spend too much time writing about the things that suck in my life. And believe you me, there are a few of them. I guess I have assumed that no one really wants to read about that. Plus, my theory has always been to focus on the positive and so that’s the message that I usually try to get across here on my blog. But I don’t want to give the impression that life is always peachy keen. We all know it’s not.

Am I so [bleeping] happy? Of course not, not all the time. I’ve certainly had my share of loss and heartbreak. My mother died when I was 29 after suffering for about 10 years with an early onset of Alzheimer’s. That was extremely painful to live through. To watch the mother who raised  and nurtured you, just disappear before your eyes little by little is pure agony. And just when I thought the heartbreak of losing her was going to be the toughest thing I was ever going to have to endure, my seemingly healthy father died in his sleep just two years later. Talk about total devastation. Have you ever been hit by a moving truck? That’s kind of what it felt like. Anxiety and fear were my best friends for a while after that happened. What’s gonna happen next? How can all these bad things happen so close together? Oh and did I mention that all the while, my husband and I were dealing with the issue of infertility and the fear that we might never be parents?

Yeah that wasn’t a great time for me.

I guess what I want to say is that I know what unhappiness looks like. It ain’t pretty. And I don’t really want to go there again. When I say things like “I choose joy” like I did in one of my previous posts, it’s because I truly believe that you can choose happiness. And I do. I choose it every day.

When my kids are running around in the morning before school, spilling their breakfast, pushing each other, crying, not listening to me, and generally acting like banshees: I try to remind myself to choose joy.

When we’re on our second hour of homework and my son is sitting in his chair sideways playing with the thread on his pants and not listening and it’s a half hour past bedtime, frustrations mounting: I try to remind myself to choose joy.

When I’m at my doctor’s checkup standing on the scale and my first thought is that it must be broken but then I come to the realization that I will never ACTUALLY  weigh what it says on my driver’s license again: I try to remind myself to choose joy.

I will admit, these days my problems aren’t so dramatic and life altering. I have it pretty good. But I’m an artist and a Gemini so quite often I do find myself with a case of the mean blues anyway. But then I’ll see my son’s freckles and my daughter’s dimples and I will remember that I am blessed and lucky.

And gratitude helps me remember that everything I have is just enough.

I guess my new site is just so comfortable that it inspired me to let it all hang out. Thanks for hanging out with me.

Filed Under: Everyday Musings, News/Updates 18 Comments

The Perfect Formula

29 Jan By

I’ve been to a lot of parties. I’ve been to fancy parties and casual parties. I’ve been to big lavish parties and small town backyard parties. Not to mention that I love to throw parties. Let’s just say I know a good party when I see one. So it’s a bold statement I’m gonna make right now but just stick with me for a minute: last Saturday I attended the BEST PARTY I’VE EVER BEEN TO.

My brother Michael’s PR Firm, Formula PR, was celebrating its 20 years in existence. The anniversary party was held at The Culy Warehouse in San Diego. There were about 350 in attendance by my estimation. (A little birdy told me that someone named Tatiana on my brother’s staff was in charge of this party. I have yet to meet her, but let me just say: Kudos Tatiana!)

Here’s a shot of my brother with the party logo that was printed on the dance floor. Mmm hmm, yep, the party logo was printed on the dance floor but that is just the beginning.

I’ve been trying to pinpoint what it was about the party that was so great and I’ve come up with one word to describe it: FEELING. That party just had a feeling about it. It wasn’t just the fabulous decor, it wasn’t just the hiply-made film about the company projected on the wall, it wasn’t just the burlesque dancers or the fire-eaters (yes, I said fire-eaters)… there was something about bringing all those little details together that made for an amazing party.

The Culy Warehouse is this fantastic space with exposed brick walls and enormously high ceilings. When we walked in we were greeted with pre-made martinis and I felt an enormous sense of warmth from all the candlelight (or maybe it was the pre-made martini).

There were these branches and chandeliers just filled with tea lights. There’s something about candlelight that just makes everything better. I’m all about the mood lighting at a party. Let’s be honest, a little mood lighting makes everyone LOOK better too.

There were also these gorgeous glowy, dreamy coffee tables (er, I mean, cocktail tables) that added to the overall ambience.

The overall feeling was, I don’t know, cozy? Somehow this gigantic industrial warehouse managed to feel totally cozy.

And then the entertainment started.

I’ve already mentioned burlesque dancers and fire-eaters but there was also this Cirque de Soleil-style dude in a hoop. I know, where does one even find a Cirque de Soleil-style dude in a hoop? He was amazing.

Okay, I’ve probably gone on enough about it. Let’s just suffice to say: A GOOD TIME WAS HAD BY ALL.

Oh wait, one last thing I will mention and this is possibly my favorite thing that happened all night: just when you’d had a bunch to drink and were wondering where you might find the nearest Denny’s…. Kobe beef sliders with truffle oil came out!!!!! I know, right???? Best. Party. Ever.

This party just confirmed what I already know to be true: the feeling is in the details. And the details make the party.

As a side note: I am so proud of and inspired by my brother Michael. He started this business with one employee and one client. It has grown to an international PR firm with offices in San Diego, Los Angeles and New York. He is amazing.

Filed Under: Beautiful Things, Finding Inspiration 3 Comments