On a deeper level you are already complete. When you realize that, there is a playful, joyous energy behind what you do.
~Eckhart Tolle

I’ve been told I’m a restless soul.

I think that statement is very true and I’ve always considered that to be one of my downfalls. I’m always craving more. Always looking for the bigger, better experience. Never completely happy with what is.

But lately I’ve been wondering if all that is really true about me.

Is it bad to be a restless soul? I suppose it depends on how you look at it. Yes, I love to try new things and yes, I am always trying to better myself and reach new levels of self-awareness and achievement. In and of themselves, those qualities are pretty positive. I think where it becomes a problem is when I start to feel that there is a hole somewhere in my life that I’m trying to fill. I think sometimes I let self-doubt get the best of me and I just expect more and more of myself. That’s when the restlessness is at an all time high for me. My expectations of achievement can leave me struggling in disappointment.

But I’m trying. It’s a daily journey. I have a calling and I know that I am on the right path but challenges and dark moments still find me. When I push and toil and resist my inner joy, that’s when I experience disappointment. I’m no stranger to the blues (or as my favorite movie character Holly Golightly refers to them: the Mean Reds).

I know there are big things I still want to accomplish but I am trying to accept the simple fact that I am whole and complete today, in this moment, just as I am.

I am whole and complete today, in this moment, just as I am.

Even if I never accomplish one more thing, I want to be grateful for everything that has gotten me to today. I want to practice the art of allowing. Allowing my life to be exactly as it is. Allowing what is meant to be, be. To revel in the sweet moments. I am surrounded by love. I live in beauty. I am content. Everything else is just icing on the cake.

When I am able to truly feel comfortable with what is, that’s when I am at my most competent. When I focus on blooming where I am planted, everything seems to flow in the natural way of the universe. That’s when the amazing opportunities just seem to find me.

I am trying to take that restlessness I often feel and use it to move into the light of wonder. I want to harness that restless energy and allow it to make me better. To be curious. To give of myself. To challenge myself and to push myself to new levels. To channel those feelings into my art and express my emotions artistically. I have so much inside of me and my art is the best way I know to express it. I hope to inspire others. Maybe you feel that restless energy too.

But I want to always be confident in the knowledge that I am already complete exactly as I am and there is nothing outside of myself that will ever make me more so. That’s not always an easy notion for me to accept but each day brings a new opportunity for me to get there.

10 Thoughts on “A Restless Soul

  1. Carolina on July 23, 2012 at 1:24 pm said:

    I am proud of you, sister.
    love you.

  2. I have a post much like this in my draft file. I haven’t figured out yet just how to present it, but I am struggling with many of the same issues you are. However, I am quite a bit older than you, so it seems more pressing to me to get the whole thing figured out. I’m going to read this a few more times, and see if any of it gives me more clarity of thought. I wish you well on your journey!

  3. From one restless soul to another. 🙂
    I love your blog post and I can relate to everything you said. Thank you for writing and sharing it with us.

  4. Awesome post!!! I was going ‘yeahhh me too… yeahhh that’s how i’m feeling…’ in my head while reading it except I haven’t been able to get those feelings down in words. Until I read your post, and it totally resonated. I”m struggling with it too. Perhaps that is our blessing and curse as artists (like you said, can be positive and negative). Reminds me of this quote : No artist is pleased. There is no satisfaction whatever at any time. There is only a queer divine dissatisfaction, a blessed unrest that keeps us marching and makes us more alive than the others. -Martha Graham

  5. Lori on July 23, 2012 at 6:04 pm said:

    De, I absolutely love your restless soul! It is a part of who you are and you wouldn’t be you without it. You have learned to channel it into many positive things that I so admire like your art, your blog and being a wonderful mother. You make us look into ourselves every time you write your blog or name a painting and I am so proud of you for putting your feelings out there and I believe it is your “restless spirit” that allows you to do that. Embrace it and be proud. I have the same spirit and have not yet found what to do with it. Love you.

  6. I so love your post and your paintings are incredible. Thank you for sharing so authentically with us in every way…through your posts….through your paintings…through your soul.

  7. nancy on August 1, 2012 at 7:27 pm said:

    love this! I am always intrigued by the things we believe about ourselves, and exactly how true they are or have to be. To quote Mark Darcy, ” I love you, just as you are”.

  8. Tanya on May 10, 2013 at 9:26 am said:

    Thank you for writing this and sharing it. It is what I needed to read today. From one restless soul to another … I am thankful that I am not alone!!

  9. Seeking is the human condition. Even the resigned among us seek. Otherwise, they’d be motionless, or dead. There’s always more, especially if the seeker is strong and active inside you. You’re a seeker. You know there’s more, and you want it. It’s the same for me even after 60 years.

    Over time, your desires become more focused, clearer, and you learn what’s most important to you.

    You’re ahead of the game. It’s the intangibles you crave. Bravo!

    The only thing that knocks me out is a hot bath. Yet I remain restless even when tired.

    There’s always more.

  10. dwinta on April 19, 2014 at 11:26 am said:

    Thank you for writing these.
    May god always bless you.
    Greetings from another restless soul.

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